F@mOu$ F@!rY t@l3$ & HOW th3Y REALLY 3nD3D

Happy Endings Blow

The other day I saw a commercial on TV. It had some guy dressed up like Ebenezer Scrooge in it (one of my all time favorite story-book characters). He was being grumpy and bitter (carrying out business as usual), and all was good. Then suddenly that damned bee appeared. That little bastard kept flying around and driving Scrooge up the wall with an offer of honey-nut bullshit. Finally the bee broke down Scrooge's spirit, and he gave in. The commercial ended with some kids singing about honey-nut Cheerios, and Scrooge was smiling and playing grab ass with the bee. It made me sick. I was outraged at what they had done; they took a mean old bastard like Scrooge, and turned him into a warm hearted, flower picking momma's boy. Bah! These stories were never meant to have happy endings. They were meant to give kids nightmares and bad dreams. So in this spirit, I've decided to expose the real endings to some popular children's stories.

Hansel and Gretel: Busted.

The story of Hansel and Gretel is about two dirty little children that run around and piss off their hard working parents. They're always laughing and screaming without a care in the world because they're selfish little bastards that get everything they want. One day the little bastards run off into the woods in search of someone to throw rocks at. They end up finding a house made out of candy and they start to eat it. Inside the house was a nice old lady that eats children. She invited Hansel and Gretel into her house, but was assaulted and thrown into the oven! She was pissed off and mad as hell. So she busted down the oven door, and put the beat down on Hansel and Gretel. When the two bastards came to, they found themselves tied up and being roasted. The end. The moral of the story is that Hansel and Gretel are stupid little shits, and they deserve to be eaten.

Little Red Riding Hood: A Balanced Meal.

Little Red Riding Hood is a story about a dumbass little girl that doesn't know anything. One day she decided to take some food to her sick grandmother. Little did she know that a clever wolf had eaten her grandmother weeks ago, and only the remnants of her rotting corpse remained. After the wolf ate her grandmother, he went through all her stuff and tried on her clothing. Just then, the dumbass showed up and started interrogating the wolf. She kept asking him stupid questions about why his teeth and eyes were so large, until finally the wolf snapped and ate her. It turned out that little red riding hood was so stupid that she didn't even know how to be eaten, and the wolf got indigestion. The end. The moral of the story is that if you ask too many dumbass questions, you will be eaten. Trust me, I know.

***300***

300 is a 2007 film adaptation of the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller, itself a fictionalized account of the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC. The film is directed by Zack Snyder with Frank Miller attached as an executive producer and consultant, and was shot mostly with bluescreen to duplicate the imagery of the original comic book.

Spartan King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fight to the last man against Persian King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) and his army of more than one million soldiers. The sacrifice of the Spartans inspires all of Greece to unite against the Persian invaders. In Sparta, Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) attempts to rally support for her husband. The story is framed by a voice-over narrative by the Spartan soldier Dilios (David Wenham).

300 The film broke box office records, although critics were divided over its look and style. Some acclaimed it as an original achievement, while others accused it of favoring visuals over characterization. Some controversy arose over its depiction of the ancient Persian and Greek civilizations.

THE PLOT

A group of Persian messengers arrive at Sparta, demanding submission to King Xerxes. Outraged and offended, Spartan King Leonidas kicks the messengers into a pit and resolves to fight the Persians. He visits the Oracle, explaining his plan and offering a customary payment in gold. Τhe Ephors, who have been bribed by Xerxes, interpret the Oracle's message to mean that Sparta should not go to war, so as to not interrupt the sacred Carneian festival.

Nevertheless, Leonidas gathers 300 of his best soldiers to fight the Persians. As they march north, they are joined by a group of Arcadians and other Greeks. Arriving at the narrow cliffs of Thermopylae (or "Hot Gates"), in sight of the Persian army, they build a wall to halt the Persians' advance. Ephialtes, a hunchbacked Spartan whose parents had left the city to save him from customary infanticide, approaches Leonidas, requesting to redeem his father's name in battle, and warning him about a secret goat path that the Persians could use to surround them. Leonidas turns the man away because of his inability to properly hold a shield.

Using the phalanx formation and hand to hand combat, the Spartans fight off numerous waves of Persian attackers, including an elite group of Persian soldiers called the Immortals. The 300 defend their position for a number of days and suffer few losses. Xerxes, impressed, approaches Leonidas directly and promises him wealth and power in exchange for his surrender. The Spartan king declines, saying that he will instead make the "God King" bleed. Shortly thereafter, an embittered Ephialtes reveals the goat path to Xerxes, and is promised a lucrative and powerful position in the Persian Empire.

Back in Sparta, Queen Gorgo, upon the advice of a councilman, attempts to enlist the influential Theron to help her persuade the Spartan council to send reinforcements to Leonidas. When invited into the palace, Theron agrees to help, but demands that Gorgo sleep with him. Gorgo reluctantly assents. Meanwhile, the Greeks realize that Ephialtes has betrayed them, and the Arcadians decide to retreat. Leonidas asks Dilios to use his rhetorical gifts to tell the story of the 300 to the Spartan people, and to ensure that they be remembered. Dilios reluctantly leaves with the Arcadians.

Queen Gorgo appears in front of the council, but is not supported by Theron, who furthermore accuses her of adultery. The Queen, enraged at this betrayal, snatches a sword from a nearby soldier and kills Theron. Persian coins fall from Theron's purse, and the Council denounces him as a traitor and unites against Persia. At Thermopylae, the 300 are surrounded by the Persian troops. Xerxes' spokesman demands their surrender, saying that Leonidas may keep his title as King of Sparta and become warlord of all Greece, answering only to Xerxes. In defiance, Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes, and wounds him on the cheek, thus delivering on his promise to make the "God King" bleed. Xerxes signals for his archers to fire. The remaining Spartans are killed in the hail of arrows, with Leonidas dying last. Dilios eventually returns to Sparta and inspires the council with the bravery of the 300. Finishing the tale of the 300 a year later on a new battlefield, the narrator, now identified as Dilios, concludes that the Persian army, who defeated a mere 300 Spartans only with difficulty, must now be terrified to face 10,000 Spartans and 30,000 Greeks from the other city-states. The roused Greek host heads off to fight the Persian army, beginning the Battle of Plataea.

King Xerxes - The Persian Bastard . Hehe!!!

w3n @l!v3 'n' D3@D

Kicking ass: the perfect job.

I was thinking about possible careers the other day, when I finally thought of the perfect job: kicking ass. Every day I'd get up, eat beef jerky, grab my ass-kicking gear and go down town to kick some ass. I'd go to different places every day, like retirement homes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, animal rights conventions/feminist meetings on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and finally, I'd go to orphanages on Sundays and holidays, unless there are any mimes in town (mimes always get priority beatings).

Kicking ass is not for everyone. Specifically, commies, hicks, bleeding heart liberals, and hippies can not become ass kicking administrators. Any of them that say otherwise should be shot. While kicking ass is simple in theory, its execution is complex, requiring an ineptness towards sensitivity, sarcasm and contempt for all life and happiness in general.

Nothing to do while you're dead? Why not become an evil spirit that haunts children?

I was dwelling on how much I hate people the other day, when I decided what I'd like to become after I die: an evil spirit that haunts children! Here are some of the things you could do as an evil spirit:

Give little kids nightmares

Trick kids into thinking there are monsters under their beds, then make the monsters disappear when their parents inspect

You could make ghosts appear when they're alone so nobody believes them

You could put voices in their heads so they grow confused and out of touch with reality

There's more you can do, but why risk doing anything that might take time away from haunting children?

Laziness is the key to success. Here are the rules of being lazy:

1. Never do anything. If you wait around long enough, someone else will do it.

2. Don't move. Moving is overrated.

3. Never run. Running is the worst thing you can do. I had to run once.. big mistake.

4. If something is not in your reach, you don't need it. Before you get up to get something across the room next time, think. Do you really want to get up and walk all the way there and all the way back to get it? Yeah, I know. I felt stupid for moving all those times.

5. Don't have an opinion. Opinions are thoughts, and thoughts are work.

6. Don't work. Working is for suckers. Be a CEO if you can, they never do anything.

7. If you have to move, fuss about it. Make it well known that you're pissed off because you have to move. Sigh a lot. Drag your feet and arch your back at 60 degrees (bad posture helps you to conform to the shapes of couches when you sit down, and it makes you look tired).

8. Sleep as much as you can. Contrary to common sense and popular belief, sleeping is very productive.

9. Don't talk. Talking requires the movement of your jaw.. way too much work.

10. If you have to work, do a half-assed job at it. Example: If you have to rake leaves, push them out into the road or into your neighbor's yard. If you have a riding lawn mower, run over them a few times until the pieces are small enough to hide in between blades of grass.

I have more rules, but this is taking more effort than I thought. I'll update this later.. if I'm not too tired.

Pr@nK$t3r

Jokes to play on people in the hospital!

Know someone in the hospital? Do they seem low in spirit and depressed? Why not try some of these pranks to cheer them up?!

Go up to someone on life support and distract them. Talk about anything: business, sports, any such useless subject matter will do. Then while they're not paying attention, unplug their life support unit! Twirl the cord in your hand with a nonchalant look on your face. Say "Oh.. I'm sorry, do you need this? I'm not going to plug it back in until you smile." Then plug it back in and say "Just kidding, HAHAH" Unplug it again and repeat. They'll die of laughter.

If you're in a hospital emergency room and you see a family that's distressed over the condition of someone they brought with them, try this prank to cheer them up! First, find a white doctor's jacket and a clipboard if you can. Put the jacket on and make a serious expression on your face. Then go up to the family in the emergency room and say "I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but it doesn't look like he's going to make it.." Wait a few minutes to let it to sink in (grab a bite to eat, watch some TV). Then, if you remember, go up to the family and say "Just kidding! I'm not a doctor. HAHAH" Everyone will get a good laugh.

How about some mental ward mayhem?! Try this to cheer up your insane buddies: First, stop by a gag store and buy some fake blood. Then go to see your friend in the mental ward (bring a knife). While you're talking to your friend, cover the knife in blood and drop it on the ground. Put some blood on your hand and run out into the hallway screaming "AHHH.. he slashed me!" They'll increase his supervision and won't allow him to see visitors anymore. Nobody will believe him when he says he didn't do it because he's crazy, and you two can have a good laugh together if he gets out.

Fun with the dead: make a recording of some moans and thumping, or someone saying "HELP! I'm still alive!", then put the recorder in the morgue department. Leave it on play and walk away. The hospital staff will have fun for hours tracing where the sound is coming from, and they'll all get a good laugh when they finally find the recorder.

Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH

How about some baby swapping? Always a good joke to play is swapping babies in then nursery room. When the parents find out 20 years down the line, they'll all laugh.

Let me know if you try any of these pranks.

zOmb!3$

Zombies are the worst.

I was thinking about zombies the other day, and about how much I hate them. They're always walking slow, moaning, and eating me. Well, at least they try to eat me (I don't let them). The problem with them is that they just don't know when to quit. You can shoot a hole through their chest, and blow their legs off, but they still keep coming at you. The best thing to do is to run screaming. But they'll follow you. So don't run screaming unless you're leading them into a trap.

Burning zombies isn't a good idea, as they won't die very easily and the smell is pretty bad. I suggest you dig a huge pit (I call mine the Zombie pit of hell) and lead them into a room with one entrance and one exit. After the zombies go into the room, lock the door behind them and start compacting the walls so they have no choice but to fall into the pit.

Once the zombies are in there, it's safe to go into the room to tease the zombies (they hate it when you pour batery acid on them). After you get bored teasing them, tell them that you'll let them out in half an hour. Turn off the lights and forget about them. If your friends come over, tell them that there's a surprise in the room for them. As soon as they go in, turn on the lights and start the compactor walls. Laugh. Then, stop the walls just before they fall in and say "just kidding". Then turn the walls back on for a few seconds just in case they think you really were kidding. Everyone will get a good laugh.

Y Do Girls go for IDIOTS...???

Lie's Girls have told me:-

"I didn't do anything over the weekend.."

Lie:-: This translates into "I got drunk and had lots of sex that I regret having now that I'm sober, but I'd rather not sound like a slut, so I'll give you the false impression that I live a modest life sitting at home and reading over my weekends, so you'll have to find out what I really did from people talking behind my back." This is probably closer to the truth than most people think. And don't mail me some politically correct rant saying "well not every girl is like that blah blah blah..." I know that not every girl is like that. Nobody cares.


"I've only kissed one guy..."

Lie:-: No girl has only kissed one guy. Any girl that says she has kissed only one guy is either too young to have kissed more, or a damned liar.


"I think you're cute!"

Lie:-: No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.


"Looks don't matter to me.."

Lie:-: Looks don't matter, MY ASS. Looks matter. Any girl that says "looks don't matter" is in denial. Proof? The good looking jerks that treat women like shit always get the women.


"I want to find a guy that's sensitive.."

Lie:-: This one's a whopper. Girls don't want sensitive guys, nay, when it comes down to it all they really want is sex. Most of them are no better than the assholes they sleep with. Sure.. they want sensitivity.. ass slapping, hair pulling sensitivity. What girl in their right mind would willingly sleep with a total jerk? Are all these girls being raped? Or are they really just horny? They want sensitivity.. or at least, that's what they'll have you believing, with their warm smiles and good looks. Just once, I'd like to meet a good looking girl that's not in denial, and that won't put on an integrity show, and that will just come out and admit that she's been pounded more times than any nail in the floor she stands on, like the whore that she is. At least then I'd respect her for being honest. It's so transparent to me what's going on. They fritter their lives away having sex every day of the week, and then go to church on sunday and think they're clean again. They're only fooling themselves. It's probably the only way they can live with their conscience (or lack thereof).


"I just broke up with my boyfriend, so I'm not going to date for a while"

Lie:-: I hear this one a lot. They say it to sound like they're not whores going from one guy immediately to the next, but come the first good looking jerk with slick hair and a nice car, and she'll be in bed with him faster than she can contract his STDs.


"I like to have fun.."

Lie:-: Some girls I've talked to have been so shallow, that when asked what they like to do, she'll simply say "I like to have fun.." No shit? I thought you liked being bored like the rest of us. What the hell kind of answer is "I like to have fun.." Who doesn't like to have fun? Upon further probing for what they like to do, they'll say "well.. uhhh.. I like to swim, and go hiking, and uhh.. I like to just hang out with friends.. uhhh.. I like to see movies.. uhhh..." Okay, she likes to see movies. Potential for a conversation. So, I'll ask them what movies they like, and with out fail, they always say "oh.. uhh... I like all movies.." No, dipshit, you don't like all movies. Nobody does. What movies do you like? "uhh.. I like romantic movies mostly.." (I don't really say dipshit.. I'm usually very mannered around women.. not that it matters, since they only want a rich guy to screw). My fault on that one, I should have known. Upon further interrogating (at least it seems like interrogation, since they have nothing to say about anything that matters outside of their microcosm of existence), they tell me that they like music, "all kinds" of music, of course. This is all torture to me. Why the hell should I waste my time with someone so damn boring?

I H@t3 '3m (Kiddin)

I hate people. I went to see a movie today (big mistake). The theater was packed with loud, stupid, obnoxious, and smelly people. There were fat people, thin people, short and tall people. There were girls and boys, old people and young people. Some people were wearing baggy pants with bell bottoms and platform shoes, sporting the latest in fashion and trends; while others were wearing in-your-face No Fear, Mossimo, and Stussy T-shirts. And other people were wearin the rest of the shitty stuff.
Everyone seemed to have spent so much time on their appearances, making sure their precious brand names were visible. A countless number of rupees must have been spent buying their appearances.

Who are they trying to impress?

Why do they do it?

I think it's a lack of dicipline. These days, politicians, the media, and even teachers are scared to say anything that might be deemed "politically incorrect". Handicapped people are no longer handicapped, but are physically or mentally impaired. Prisoners are no longer prisoners, but are freedom inclined. Opening a door for a woman or paying for a meal can be offensive because it might imply that the she can't do it herself. Strip clubs and pornography are not acceptable because they're degrading to women. It's not okay to torture convicted rapists, murderers, and child molestors because it would be cruel and unusual punishment (as opposed to what they did to the victims?). Eating meat is wrong because an animal had to die. Physically diciplining children when they start threatening lives is not okay because it's child abuse.

Kids these days get away with too much. They dye their hair, pierce their bodies, dress up like freaks, experiment with sexuality and drugs, they disregard tradition and rules, and disrespect anyone that might "cramp" their style. Sure, they'll sit around and smoke, do drugs, and have sex while complaining about the environment, but when it comes to doing anything about it, they're too infatuated with their image and what's politically correct to actually change anything.

I'm not saying people shouldn't be allowed to dress up in their trendy rubbish. If you want to be a clone, fine. If you want to dress up in black and paint your face white and pretend to be a rebel, fine. But do it if you want to. Not to make some stupid point. Nobody cares. I tell you, people are becoming WIMPS. Dress in clothes that you like to wear. If you do, you should never have to look through your closet and say "I can't believe I wore this..". If you liked certain clothing at one point in your life, and you are an individual, you should always like that clothing. I don't think that all these people wearing the same clothes all dress that way because they like it. I think it's because they have very little or no individuality.

"Get with the 90's" - I hate that phrase. I hate this generation x label, I hate pepsi's generation next campaign, I hate it how people think life is happiness. Life is not happiness. I hate it how some people go through life with little or no regard for the things that make their life worth living, and instead focus on bi-products of them.

I hate it how companies like Disney produce a stream of non-stop garbage that gives children unrealistic ideals from a very young age, so that when those ideals aren't met, they grow up to be resentfull and bitter. I hate things that are soft. Everything should be sharp and painful. I think that Disney movies should all end with everyone dying in them for a change. If stupid little kids cry about it, TOUGH. The world doesn't need another tree hugging sissy-marie. I think Disney should make a movie where the group of kids from "The Sound of Music" go on a field trip and get in a car wreck in which everyone dies. The End. That's how life is sometimes. Everyone dies. That's what kids should learn. Not that they can be a stereotypical little arab peasent boy that can acquire all gold in the world, a kingdom and a princess (aladdin).

I hate people.

(And yea i had ta putt tat kiddin in the title cos some people actually thought i hated every person.)

Hehe!!!

Quotes That Are Ruining The World

I hate quotes. People these days seem to take quotes by famous people, and make them their life mottos. That's bullshit. I'm talking about the following quotes in particular:

Live life to the fullest: What a crock. I hear this one time and time again, usually from some jackass that's not willing to take responsibility for his actions. I'm sure whoever said it didn't intend for people to take it literally. By the "live life to the fullest" doctrine, people have done all sorts of stupid things. Things like experimentation with drugs, animals, and sex with furniture. Sick bastards. The bottom line is that if you try to live life to the fullest, you will die. Instantly. Stop screwing around or you will get killed.

Cheaters never prosper: BULLSHIT. At least 90% of cheaters prosper. Those cheating bastards get by the system every time. There was a whore in one of my computer science classes that didn't do any assignments, failed all the exams, but still passed the class because she was sleeping around with all the TA's. It's a repeating cycle perpetuated by corrupt administration and slacker kids that aren't willing to put forth the effort it takes to pass. They should all be shot.

Be happy with what you have: Basically this is saying that people shouldn't have goals. Not that they should, but c'mon. You and I know it's bullshit. If you have nothing, or nothing that makes you happy, then what? You're supposed to be happy with nothing? Bah.. sounds like shit to me.

Hard work brings success: WRONG. Kissing ass and sleeping around brings success. Nobody cares how hard you work as long as you stimulate their ego. Hard work usually gets forgotten and goes unnoticed. There's always some sucker out there that's getting the raw deal in hopes of moving up. It's not going to happen, you might as well quit. Stop trying.

I'm not afraid of anything: Yeah, whatever. This is usually muttered by a short dipshit with a Napoleon complex. Listen you little bitch, you're a frail little coward afraid of everything. End your campaign of arrogance and admit that you're a wuss. I'm sick of people who say they're not afraid of anything. If they truly weren't, then they'd be dead. There's nothing to fear, remember? So why don't they kill themselves and confirm their theory. Worthless.

Movies I've Seen!!!

Movies are like horses,ya never no wch one has its @$$ On fir3

Wrongfully Accused - This movie was depressingly bad. I've got to remember to never see another Lesly Nielson movie again. It's full of slap stick humor and shit jokes (not the good kind). If you liked this movie, take a piece of paper, in big black letters write the word "DUMBASS" on it, tape it to your back, and walk into a train. You make me sick.
(This movie is like dog shit. No, it's worse than dog shit. It's like a sculpture of a baboon's ass made out of dog shit.)

Henry - You've probably never heard of this movie because it sucks so much ass. It's about a serial killer that kills people because his mom was a prostitute as a child.. boooring, NEXT. The only cool part in the movie was this fat guy that kicked the serial killer's ass. One of my favorite quotes of his is when he yells "What the hell's wrong with you?? 'Got shit in your ears?" Right after he beats a baby seal to death. Okay.. I made that part up. But trust me, don't see this movie.
(The kind of movie that all your shit-head friends want to see, but you don't, so they drag you along anyway, but you turn out to be right and the movie sucks.)

Patch Adams - Horrible. It's the worst movie ever made, next to Titanic, Ever After, and Step Mom. I used to think Robin Williams was okay.. until he ate all that shit in Patch Adams.

Saving Private Ryan - Ignore the first and last five minutes, and it's great. Lots of violence, people being shot and maimed, explosions, chaos.
(Lacking a little in violence and/or nudity. It could have been so much better without a plot.)

Holy Man - This movie sucks. It started out okay for the first 15 minutes or so, but then it went on about love and people smiling and hugging each other. It's supposed to give you a warm fuzzy joy happy singing dance feeling. Makes me want to PUKE. The movie became almost intolerable at the end: they go to some party and dance together, and then they turn into sappy wimps saying stuff like "ooh.. I love the way you dance.. lets make out.." or something. Anyway, don't see it.
(Had potential, but they had to ruin it with mushy love bullshit, and not enough people having their arms chopped off.)

The Avengers - The phrase "What the hell?" sums up this movie. I fell asleep half way during it, and still understood as much as my friends did. Nobody knows what the hell's going on, not even the actors. They should have just made it a movie about explosions and hippy abuse. At least then I'd laugh.

Pi - This movie is about some crazy math guy that tries to find patterns in the stock market. It turns out that what he finds has very deep implications in some ancient hebrew scriptures, and so he gets stalked by two groups of people interested in his findings. I thought it was a pretty good movie, but for the sake of being a jerk, I'm going to say it sucked. Screw you.

You've Got Mail - No. I will never see this movie, ever. That guy.. I forgot his name.. the shit-head. And her.. I hate her. Stupid. I'm sick of all these "feel good" movies these days. I wonder if anybody actually feels better after seeing one of these movies, or if they try to convince themselves that they do, just so they can cope with the fact that they've wasted their time.

Step Mom - You know.. every once in a while, there comes a movie that's so shitty, you have to wonder how anyone can capture the essence of shit so well. This is one of those movies where you just say "Oh damn.. not another movie by that hag Julia Roberts.." when you see the commercials. What the hell were they thinking? Kids? Moms? Nobody wants to see kids and moms. I go to a movie to see one thing: ass kicking. What ever happened to good movies like Army of Darkness and Rambo? This new generation of movies is creating a nation of nancy boys and people who are afraid to be a little politically incorrect. Oh, and the music they play on the commercial is the worst.

Ever After - I don't have any friends that have seen this movie. I will never have any friends that have seen this movie. I hate this movie. That evil cinderella bitch. What kind of jackass makes a movie about "the will of a woman"? The will of a woman? What the hell is the will of a woman? Actually, I'm not sure if they said that during the promotions. But they said something like that, I think. Okay, even if they didn't, they probably would have. Those jerks. The advertisements for the movie shows Drew Barrymore (sp) jumping into a river or some other such bullshit, while they play some ass ambient nature-techno in the background (I think it's Enya or Enigma), the kind of shitty music that hippies and feminists listen to while they burn incense and read poetry about trees and earth spirits. Who the hell do they think they are?

That Thing You Do - I almost forgot about this shit factory. It's one of the worst movies I've never seen. What a shitty concept for a movie.. whatever it's about. It's probably stupid. It has music in it, so it can't be good. When will people learn? Nobody wants to see a bunch of losers dancing and singing. We want to see death. Violence. Murder. The decay of western society. We want to see it all, and we want it to be gross. If it's not offensive, it's just not. Not fun. Boo.

Dark City - This one looked like one of those movies with lots of hype, but nothing happens in the movie. Literally nothing. My friends are suckers for these types of movies. I heard it sucked, and I'm glad I didn't see it.

A Fa!ry

A fairy came down from heavens
And took my heart in a fraction
I felt so petrified and dumbstruck
Never felt so helpless in entire life

Fair like a marble statue shone in moonlight
Fragrance more alluring than million flowers
Her beauty defied the cupid’s theology
Held me on trance of her magical words

Words rolled like pearls from her red lips
Musical sound froze the motion of streams
Ears yearned such heavenly feast in years
Indescribable aura around in charming reels

She had enlivened me for another day
Reinvigorated me with her words of pray
Her protective embrace had so tightly held me.

Thnx for being ther for me @ng3l (Subhra)

D@ real instruktions for lif3

This is the real list people should live by, not that idealistic bullshit.


It doesn't matter how much you give, there will always be greedy bastards out to take more.

Don't take time out of work to enjoy life's simple pleasures (you'll get fired).

Unless you're rich, nothing you have to say is important.

Love is only as eternal as your wallet.

When you realize you've made a mistake, do the cowardly thing and call it a policy.

If you appreciate the work someone is doing for you, don't tell them. Doing that might warrant a raise that you could spend on yourself.

If you're ugly, you will never get laid (ever).

You must surrender all hopes and dreams to the company you work for because dreaming isn't profitable.

Don't judge people by how they look (except when it comes to love, marriage, employment and net worth).

If you get promoted, don't change the way things are done (no matter how shitty you thought they were-- you're one of them now which makes it okay to walk on people).

It doesn't matter how well you do your job, it's how much ass you kiss.

Live a good, honest, decent life. Just kidding. Lie, cheat and screw around.

Share your wealth with those less fortunate, or at least say that you do to inflate your ego.

Remember that what you wear dictates who your friends are.

There it is. The real rules of life.

"mY lYff, mY rul3$"

Bl@wg!nG - D@ n3w $h!t

AHHHHH!!! A PERFECT ST@RT...

Lately I've been hearing a lot of stupid people parroting stupid buzz words. There are too many to list all of them here, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try.....

BLOG: The word "blog" is literally shorthand for "boring;" a vulgar, overused word that strikes your ear with the dull thud of a cudgel to the soft spot of a child. It's an abbreviation used by journalism drop outs to give legitimacy to their shallow opinions and amateur photography that seems to be permanently stuck in first draft hell. Looking in the archives of the blogs, one would expect someone who has been at it for years to slowly hone their craft and improve their writing and photographs, since it's usually safe to assume that if someone does something long enough, he or she will eventually not suck at it. Even with lowered expectations, you'll get a shotgun blast of disappointment in your face.

BLOGGER: Term used to describe anyone with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives. Possibly the most annoying thing about bloggers is the sense of self-importance they get after even the most modest of publicity. Sometimes it takes as little as a referral on a more popular blogger's website to set the lesser blogger's ego into orbit.

BLOGGING: If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.

BLOGGED: What you call a trivial or largely inconsequential topic once bloggers have processed through every tired detail. For more on this, look into: every minor news story.

BLOGOSPHERE: The "blogosphere" is the new buzz word that has replaced "information super highway." It's what idiots like to call a collection of "blogs," otherwise known as a tragedy.

BLOGOMANIA: Like all other manias, except relating to the infatuation of blogs. It's one step above the more caustic phrase "blog-o-rama." Thankfully the latter hasn't caught on to the extent of its brethren, but that doesn't stop me from punching anyone who says it in the dick.

BLOGROLL: A long list of links that nobody will ever click on. Bloggers not only link to their friends and fellow bloggers, but their eventual goal is to link to every linkable document on the Internet. Most "blog rolls" are so full of links that it can bring even the mightiest of search engines to a crawl as they sort through all the frivolous bullshit bloggers link to.

BLOGSHARE: An imaginary share of a blog's worth, which is ironic, since most blogs have an imaginary share of readers.

BLOGSTORM: A zany phrase news anchors like to use any time they think there's an abnormal amount of posts on blogs regarding any particular topic. Of course, they fail to consider any amount of posting to a blog is abnormal since people who are well adjusted usually have better things to do, i.e., work, or failing that, anything else.

BLOG SWARM: Stupid.

BLOGGING COMMUNITY: Losers, goths, bedwetters, and journalism dropouts.

BLAWG: Some prick thought it would be clever to spell "blog" phonetically using the word "law" in the title. It's a phrase used to describe blogs primarily dealing with the law and legal issues. Wow, real clever, dipshit. How did you come up with that one?

BLOGUMENTARY: There was recently a bit of a feud regarding this word among two bloggers. Apparently some guy decided that they had exclusive right to use the word, not realizing that similar words (docudrama, dramedy, rockumentary, etc) have been free to use for all people since you can't just copyright an entire genre, and more importantly, that it's stupid. Who cares? Blogumentary? Really? Eat shit you morons.

BLOGEBRITY: Wow, guess what this one stands for? Too easy. Hey, anyone can do it: take a blogger who's a chef, and you get: BLEF. A blogger who's a dentist? BENTIST. A female blogger with an itch? You guessed it: a BITCH.

PHOTOBLOG: Photoblogs make me yearn for the day when cameras weren't digital, film cost money, and it took time to develop pictures.Nothing is exactly what these pictures are of. No focus, no theme, no message, no posturing. Just countless pictures of some @$$wip3. We don't care bout your shit. You're not an artist. You're not deep. Get a new hobby.

PODCAST: Someone had the revolutionary idea of taking a compressed audio file and putting it online. Yeah, doesn't sound so sexy when I describe it for what it is, does it you morons? It would have been a great idea if streaming audio wasn't already around for over a decade before the word "podcast" entered the lexicon. Man, I can't stand the word "lexicon." Talking about all these shitty words has made me start using shitty words. I'm so pissed, I just slammed the door shut on some kid's nuts.

PODCASTING: It's snob for "streaming audio."

PODCATCHER: Any idiot with an iPod, web browser, or ears.

WARBLOG: A blog that primarily deals with war. Filled with whiny blow hards who are fixated on their stubborn ideas and conspiracy theories.Of course, the one thing they don't postulate is a FUKKIN REASON.

WARBLOGGER: Like all other bloggers, an idiot. Usually a self-righteous prick with a political axe to grind. Tragically, these dullards fail to realize that nobody cares what they think. And no, the 2 comments per post you get on average doesn't count. Get some real opinions, then maybe you'll get some real feedback.

WARBLOGGING: The act of writing amateur, unfounded, and borderline illiterate opinions about war and war strategy.

iPodder: A pompous ass who thinks he's eclectic. Wake up asshole: you're not living in an iPod commercial. You can't dance. Everything you listen to sucks. Get a job.

e-nable: E-nable? How about I e-nable my foot to your mouth?

URL (as pronounced "ERL")): Few things invoke more contempt for humanity than someone who pronounces URL as "erl." It's an acronym, not a word you douche! Between people who say "erl" and programmers who pronounce char (an abbreviation for character) as "chär" (with the "ch" pronounced like in "chart"), I get so pissed that I just want to saw my arms off.

Liberal Media: Whiny, bitching, cry-baby conservatives love to prattle on and on about the "liberal media."

Xanga: The bottom of the barrel of blogs. It's incredible that the user base is able to write so much, yet say so little. I have to give a bit of kudos though, considering the fact that many of the users have the reading comprehension of a bowl full of pubes.

Live Journal: Here's a little trick you can use to find out whether a link someone sends you is worth checking. If it contains the words "live, journal," or any combination thereof, you can safely ignore the link without missing out on anything.

Trackback: It's snob for "referrer."

Travelblog: Guess.

Emo: An abbreviation for loser. Emo is the new goth, except goths are still around, so it's becoming almost unbearable.

MetroSexual: A gay guy still in the closet. This word is so contemptible that even the man who coined it has since apologized for being such a douche. I cringe every time I hear this word.

RetroSexual: This word wouldn't exist if "metro" didn't happen to rhyme with "retro." It's supposed to mean the opposite of a "metrosexual," which makes it another superfluous word since we already have a word for the opposite of a metrosexual called "straight."

Friendblog: None are known to exist since bloggers don't have friends.

Watchblog: Let's not.

Videoblog: Another idiot who had the bright idea of coining a term for posting a file online, except instead of music, it's crappy home videos.

Vlog: I don't even know if this is being used yet, but I suspect it will be used soon if it hasn't, so preemptive strike, bitches.

Vog: I

Vloggers: CAN'T

Vlogging: GO

Vlogged: ON

Moblog: ANYMORE.

@$$hOl3's coin new phrases to be ANNOYING.