Movies I've Seen!!!

Movies are like horses,ya never no wch one has its @$$ On fir3

Wrongfully Accused - This movie was depressingly bad. I've got to remember to never see another Lesly Nielson movie again. It's full of slap stick humor and shit jokes (not the good kind). If you liked this movie, take a piece of paper, in big black letters write the word "DUMBASS" on it, tape it to your back, and walk into a train. You make me sick.
(This movie is like dog shit. No, it's worse than dog shit. It's like a sculpture of a baboon's ass made out of dog shit.)

Henry - You've probably never heard of this movie because it sucks so much ass. It's about a serial killer that kills people because his mom was a prostitute as a child.. boooring, NEXT. The only cool part in the movie was this fat guy that kicked the serial killer's ass. One of my favorite quotes of his is when he yells "What the hell's wrong with you?? 'Got shit in your ears?" Right after he beats a baby seal to death. Okay.. I made that part up. But trust me, don't see this movie.
(The kind of movie that all your shit-head friends want to see, but you don't, so they drag you along anyway, but you turn out to be right and the movie sucks.)

Patch Adams - Horrible. It's the worst movie ever made, next to Titanic, Ever After, and Step Mom. I used to think Robin Williams was okay.. until he ate all that shit in Patch Adams.

Saving Private Ryan - Ignore the first and last five minutes, and it's great. Lots of violence, people being shot and maimed, explosions, chaos.
(Lacking a little in violence and/or nudity. It could have been so much better without a plot.)

Holy Man - This movie sucks. It started out okay for the first 15 minutes or so, but then it went on about love and people smiling and hugging each other. It's supposed to give you a warm fuzzy joy happy singing dance feeling. Makes me want to PUKE. The movie became almost intolerable at the end: they go to some party and dance together, and then they turn into sappy wimps saying stuff like "ooh.. I love the way you dance.. lets make out.." or something. Anyway, don't see it.
(Had potential, but they had to ruin it with mushy love bullshit, and not enough people having their arms chopped off.)

The Avengers - The phrase "What the hell?" sums up this movie. I fell asleep half way during it, and still understood as much as my friends did. Nobody knows what the hell's going on, not even the actors. They should have just made it a movie about explosions and hippy abuse. At least then I'd laugh.

Pi - This movie is about some crazy math guy that tries to find patterns in the stock market. It turns out that what he finds has very deep implications in some ancient hebrew scriptures, and so he gets stalked by two groups of people interested in his findings. I thought it was a pretty good movie, but for the sake of being a jerk, I'm going to say it sucked. Screw you.

You've Got Mail - No. I will never see this movie, ever. That guy.. I forgot his name.. the shit-head. And her.. I hate her. Stupid. I'm sick of all these "feel good" movies these days. I wonder if anybody actually feels better after seeing one of these movies, or if they try to convince themselves that they do, just so they can cope with the fact that they've wasted their time.

Step Mom - You know.. every once in a while, there comes a movie that's so shitty, you have to wonder how anyone can capture the essence of shit so well. This is one of those movies where you just say "Oh damn.. not another movie by that hag Julia Roberts.." when you see the commercials. What the hell were they thinking? Kids? Moms? Nobody wants to see kids and moms. I go to a movie to see one thing: ass kicking. What ever happened to good movies like Army of Darkness and Rambo? This new generation of movies is creating a nation of nancy boys and people who are afraid to be a little politically incorrect. Oh, and the music they play on the commercial is the worst.

Ever After - I don't have any friends that have seen this movie. I will never have any friends that have seen this movie. I hate this movie. That evil cinderella bitch. What kind of jackass makes a movie about "the will of a woman"? The will of a woman? What the hell is the will of a woman? Actually, I'm not sure if they said that during the promotions. But they said something like that, I think. Okay, even if they didn't, they probably would have. Those jerks. The advertisements for the movie shows Drew Barrymore (sp) jumping into a river or some other such bullshit, while they play some ass ambient nature-techno in the background (I think it's Enya or Enigma), the kind of shitty music that hippies and feminists listen to while they burn incense and read poetry about trees and earth spirits. Who the hell do they think they are?

That Thing You Do - I almost forgot about this shit factory. It's one of the worst movies I've never seen. What a shitty concept for a movie.. whatever it's about. It's probably stupid. It has music in it, so it can't be good. When will people learn? Nobody wants to see a bunch of losers dancing and singing. We want to see death. Violence. Murder. The decay of western society. We want to see it all, and we want it to be gross. If it's not offensive, it's just not. Not fun. Boo.

Dark City - This one looked like one of those movies with lots of hype, but nothing happens in the movie. Literally nothing. My friends are suckers for these types of movies. I heard it sucked, and I'm glad I didn't see it.